


Green Goo and Polka Spots

by DrivvenWrinth



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Crack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Explicit Language, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-13 06:19:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/500422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrivvenWrinth/pseuds/DrivvenWrinth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim is on a hot ‘streak’ and it’s all Bones’ fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Green Goo and Polka Spots

\---------------------------------------------

There was a pale streak, a scream, and a CRASH. She didn’t want to look. She could tell from the rather unmanly scream from a manly voice that she didn’t want to look. Uhura turned slowly and regretted it almost as much as she’d expected.

There was just something wrong with seeing your captain, buck-ass naked and scrambling to find purchase on a floor made slick with... just what it was she wasn’t sure, but she was very glad none of it had landed on her.

“Damnit Jim!” The slurred southern drawl bellowing from the direction the blond had run explained a lot. She stepped back out of the way, not certain the lurching, obviously intoxicated Dr. would be able to avoid the mess left as her captain, their captain apologized to the kitchen crew members. The poor ensign were now almost as covered with purple gelatinous, presumably edible... stuff as he was, and then.... he was off; off and running as if his life depended upon it.

McCoy was surprisingly nimble when tanked out of his head. He reminded her of a very old movie Jim had made the crew watch; ‘Drinken Mister... no, Drunken Martyr...’ whatever, it really wasn’t all that important. The point was, even completely sober and frantic, James T. Kirk didn’t stand a chance against the ‘Hypo Master’. Chuckling at her own joke Uhura decided to make a little stop off at Engineering to see what kind of odds she could get on the rowdy lovers’ newest escapade.

McCoy didn’t have to put a lot of thought into tracking his reluctant lover. Little (and large) purple droplets led the way. It was astounding that even as fleet footed as the captain of the USS Enterprise was, he had managed to traverse four whole decks in less than forty-five minutes, and naked too.

McCoy was leaning against a purple smeared door frame as he took a long pull from the flask Jim had given him for Christmas the year before. A gift he was surly regretting almost as much as the cask of Romulan ale he had given Bones for his birthday. That particular thought had crossed the blond’s mind just as he erringly crossed paths with his drunken tormentor.

Jim stumbled in surprise and nearly lost his footing as he tried to dart away. Being the dashing southern gentleman he was, Leonard H. McCoy graciously steadied his lover with one arm as he wrapped the other around the blond’s naked gooey body and ‘HISS’.

The hypospray stung like hell. “I can’t believe you did that!” Jim roared as he tried to squirm free.

“I can’t ‘lieve you ran bare-assed all o’er the ship jus’ ta weasel your way outta a tiny little shot.” Bones kissed his lover’s nose. It was the only clean place on the man’s indignant face.

“Only because you hid all my clothes!”

“Well, I thought... mistakenly mind ya, I thought you’d keep that cute little ass in our room, but NO! You gotta make me chase said cute little ass all o’er the place. Dat wasn’ nice ya know makin yer lurver run af’er ya.” He gave said ‘ass’ a firm squeeze to emphasize his point.

Jim snorted. “Like I’d stay there when you were gonna do ‘that’ to me!” He was almost free when a wave of heat swept over him. “No!! No No NO! Damn you southern jackass!”

“Oh good grief!” Bones huffed as he hoisted his naked whining lover over his shoulder and swatted his bare ass. “Now let’s get you tucked inta bed.”

“I wouldn’t need to go to bed if you hadn’t infected me, you treasonous bastard!”

“It still ‘mazes me that as reckless as you are, you’ve ne’er had the chickenpox.” The doctor took another swig of liquid courage. This was going to be a long recovery... for him.

Jim was the only person he knew who had managed to contract almost every known, luckily curable, disease in the known universe, had never had a simple case of the chickenpox. “You’re the one who insisted the Captain has to be the envoy on this one, there is no way you are going down on that planet with a huge hole in your immune system.”

“I hate you,” Jim whined while rubbing his face into Bones’ back.

“Luv ya too brat.”

\-----------

“Spock has been in charge of ‘my’ ship and ‘my’ crew for a week. A whole week thanks to you!”

“And he’ll be in charge of it for another one.” Bones commented dryly as he watched his lover huff and stomp around his quarters with one boot in his hand.

“Exactly! Two weeks in his hands and there’s no telling what I’ll come back to.” Jim stopped and glared at him. “Where the hell is my other boot?”

They still had separate quarters even though they spent most of their time in his quarters, since he needed to be close to the Medical Bay. Jim had spent the last week convalescing, due to a very serious reaction to the chickenpox virus. A virus his chief medical officer had intentionally infected him with, a fact the temperamental captain was not going to let him forget.

The doctor just smirked at him. “Damn it Bones I have to check on my ship!”

The dark haired man stood up and walked toward his irate superior. “No, there’s something you have to do first.”  
Those pretty blue eyes glared at him. “You stalked me all over my ship, you infected me with a hideous disease, you held me captive against my will; what makes you think I’m going to listen to anything you have to say right now.?”

The smirk deepened. “As Chief Medical Officer, I have to clear you for duty and I just might not get around to completing all the paperwork. And you know how much that Vulcan loves his paperwork.”

They were almost nose to nose now. Kirk’s glare deepened to match his lover’s smirk. “You. Wouldn’t. Dare.”

“Try me.”

Those saphire orbs widened in shock and outrage, then closed in resignation. “Fine... what do I have to do?”

Bones wrapped his arms around his lover. Jim didn’t resist, he just sulked. “You, have to ‘cuddle’ with me for at least three hours.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve done nothing but bitch and whine and complain for a week . And I miss my sweet boyfriend. I’m gonna miss him even more when he’s planet-side for a week.”

“Hmph.” The blond huffed and didn’t give in even an inch.

The doctor was nothing if not persistent. He held his lover, gently kissing Jim’s cheeks and neck. “Come on Jim, it’s just for a little while.”

Two strong arms came up and for a moment he thought he’d won. It was short-lived. Once a scrapper, always a scrapper. Jim wrapped his arms around his lover’s torso, lifted and half pulled - half tossed the dark haired man onto the bed. Bone’s was blackmailing him into cuddling. ‘Fine, I’ll cuddle the bastard’s ass off.’ He launched himself at his stunned lover, straddling the man’s torso and pinning his long arms to the bed.

Bone’s struggled for a moment. “Now, hold on one minute Jim.”

It was the blond’s turn to smirk. “Three hours, starting now.”

Jim’s definition of cuddling was a little different than Bones’. The captain left his chief medical officer’s quarters quite pleased with himself. ‘Let’s see how he likes a week of blue balls.’ Vengeance is mine sayeth the Captain.

`fin`


End file.
